2010 Archives
When Is It Time?
In the heat of a big project, bringing it to closure, I realized I still have to take time for myself and just breathe. Yesterday, I went for an annual exam that I had delayed over and over due to so many other pressing things. There was always an excuse: a big project, a special meeting, or a family obligation. All of the excuses boiled down to not enough time. And then, I realized there will always be a reason to deter me; there would never be enough time. So my only choice was to just do it. I had to make time, take time. And I did! And guess what, the world didn’t stop, and I still met all of my obligations. No more excuses. I have time to do all the things I need to do as long as God blesses me with breath and life.
It has finally dawned on me that I must control my life. I must let job, family, and community to adapt to my needs. If I don’t pay attention to the self, the self won’t be able to meet anybody’s obligations or have the time to enjoy life. No more excuses, no more deterrents. That is my choice.
What is deterring you from taking care of you? Do you not have enough time? Do you have too many obligations? Maybe you need to look at you from a different perspective. Whose time is it anyway?
Need a motivational speaker and would like to meet the author of Dreams Thrown Away. Email Dilsa Saunders Bailey at dilsa@simplydilsa.com. Learn more about Lather, Rinse, Repeat –Making the Right Choices.
Lather and Learn
I love going to the hair salon. More than getting the cut and curl, I love the shampoo. Imagine with me for a moment sitting in the chair being draped ceremoniously with the foam strip around your neck and the big plastic cape. You sit back against the cold porcelain sink and lay your head in some one’s capable hands. The shampooer first runs a spray of warm water through hair to get it nice and wet, then she pumps the shampoo in her hands and begins to lather the shampoo into your hair. At first, if your hair is really polluted, the suds won’t get foamy. The shampoo will lather, but there is resistance. The dirt or the pollutants don’t want to budge from their comfort zone until shampooer rinses you hair again with warm soothing water. Her hands massage your head, your temples, and the back of your neck as she starts the lathering process again. This time the stubborn pollutants that were holding on for dear life have loosened, have lessened their grip and are making room for the nutrients in the shampoo to bond to your hair. Once again, the lather is rinsed from the hair and the hair gets to assess the world and see it in a new light. It is no longer clouded in pollutants, but dressed in a new shiny enclosure that makes the world look better and brighter. Your hair stands out; it uses the new light and the new coat of shiny armor to look its best. It chooses to flow freely and be open to new styles and new cuts. Are you ready to shed the pollutants, the old way of thinking? Are you open to learning? Can you lather?
Stay tuned for more about Lather, Rinse, Repeat…
Dilsa Saunders Bailey, author of Dreams Thrown Away
Different, But the Same
It's funny, other parts of the country have their own personality. I got a closer glimpse of the Northwest personality this week, and it so much more laid back than the east coast. It was almost like stepping back in time, sort of reminiscent of the '70's. However, you can still find Kohl's, Macy's, Walmart, etc, strip malls, cell towers, and Starbucks. I remember when traveling to another part of the country meant most of the stores and styles and music were different. Not so much anymore, it seems the more different we are, the more the same we have become. I hope each part of the country can hold on to its eclectic self. It would be a shame for all parts of our American culture to conform to one standard. It would be nice to see a choice to remain unique continue, not just for the tourism, but for the sake of providing everybody with the option to enjoy what they enjoy, and a little bit of history to pass on to the next generation.
Putting it on My Calendar-You Should, Too!
The 3rd annual Atlanta Writers Conference is happening this month on May 15 at the Westin Airport Hotel. I plan to be there to listen to publishing gurus share their tips on getting published. Six literary agents will be available for Q&A. David Fulmer, award-winning fiction writer, will be presenting a couple of workshops. I am just a little upset I waited too long to sign up for the critique and pitch sessions with the agents. Sorry, the slots are all filled. But, I can only blame that on my busy schedule. And, I am thankful for a busy schedule.
In the meantime if you are self-published, Writer’s Digest has extended their International Self-Published Awards contest through May 17. I don’t plan to miss that submission. Guess what I am doing this weekend.
Not only that, Gwen Richardson of Cush City is busy putting the finishing touches on the National Black Book Festival in Houston on May 21-23rd. If you are in the area, don’t miss it. If you are writer, don’t miss it. I plan to be there with my book, Dreams Thrown Away. Hope to see you there, too.
Have You Ever Quit Just Before You Realized Your Dream
Have you ever quit just before you realized your dream? Then heard a little voice saying, “if you had just hung in there just a little bit longer, you would have made it.” I work full-time as a manager, but my heart is in writing. Between the obligations of my job, the obligations of my home life, and trying to manage enough rest, I sometimes let myself slide away from my dream. But, a spark of determination rises back up within me and I set out to seek that dream once again.
I believe in persistence. I don’t believe in giving up. I know part of getting to that dream is the choices we make along the way. I had a lively conversation with Dr. Empowerment on her BlogTalkRadio Show about all the things I have listed above. Why? Because I was promoting my book DREAMS THROWN AWAY, where the main characters would always be just within the reach of their dreams, and either made or did not make a choice that prevented them from reaching those dreams. What are you doing? Are you going to persist today? Are you going to make the right choice today to accomplish your dream? If you have dreamed it, don’t give up. Don’t hear that little voice saying, “If I had just hung in there just a little bit longer.”
I posted the above on Written Mag recently, and I keep thinking about it everyday. What is the difference between the person with the dream who never reaches it, and the person with the dream who gets the opportunity to live it? At first glance, the answer is persistence. One gives up before the other. Some may even say it’s luck, one person may have been in the right place at the right time. But, I believe it is all of the above. A dream is just another term for faith. If you have faith that what you are dreaming is yours, and you persist in that faith, you will find yourself in the right place at the right time.
“It’s Never Too Late”
Recently, I was thrilled and honored to attend a friend’s premier of her independent short film entitled “It’s Never Too Late.” Dee Robinson wrote and produced this poignant short film about a man who loses himself in a bottle of alcohol. The story not only focuses on his battle with his alcoholic demons, but his eventual homelessness. I have worked in healthcare many years; and one of the processes we use to determine how to prevent a repeat of bad outcomes or adverse events is called a root cause analysis. This powerful short begins with the man’s childhood, his beginnings, and finds the root cause for his inability to cope as an adult. One of those causes was a trauma he suffered alone at an early age, making him feel vulnerable and unworthy.
But, the premise of this story is that he is not alone. And, this is a reminder to all of us that we are not alone. When we see the homeless, the downtrodden, the man or woman with the empty eyes, we need to reach out and let them know they are not alone.
The matriarch is Dee’s film was a strong grandmother with a powerful love, and a persistent faith. She knows we have to share that faith and uplift each other. Dee’s story propels that faith into action so clearly, not only for the character, but for her as well. After the film was shown, Dee, the cast, the director, and the cinematographer were all introduced. Each person expressed how the movie affected them and how much they enjoyed working with Dee. As for Dee, she expressed what I have heard time and time again, that she didn’t know how her dream of creating this film would happen. She just knew it would happen. And it did happen, first with faith and persistence, then with an unexpected helping hand. She was not alone.
Dee’s mini-motion picture is a must-see and a reminder that we are our brother’s keeper, that we do not exist in a vacuum. I heartily recommend this movie, “It’s Never Too Late.” It will be shown again at the (Women of Color Arts and Film (WOCAF) Festival in Atlanta on Saturday, March 27, 2010. Go to Iyalode Productions to get more information. Don’t miss it.
Bigger Than Life and Stronger Than the Grandest Oak
My great-grandmother was the type of woman who was definitely bigger than life and stronger than the grandest oak. This magnificent woman, named Minnie Edna Moment Rutherford, was born on May 1, 1873. She walked this earth for 103 years, had thirteen babies, and so many descendants that we lost count or lost touch. When she died, she ended an amazing legacy of five living generations. I was one of the few of the many descendants that knew her well. She taught me how to read before I was five. She gave me the gift of storytelling, for she was a master storyteller. I loved my great-grandmother fiercely, and she loved me and all of her babies.
Minnie Edna was lovingly nicknamed “Richard”. Back in the 1950’s, there was song with the lyrics “Open the door, Richard.” My aunt who is exactly 20 years older than me was a teenager trying to sneak in the house after a late night date. My great-grandmother had to let her in the door, and thus creating the only name I knew her by, until I was old enough to learn her full-name, and the only name she was called until her death about fifty years later.
Richard was a joyful woman, especially over her evening snack of cornbread and milk. But, she was also a lonely woman with a long history of sorrow. But, you would never know it. She greeted everyone with a smile, and her wit made you walk away laughing and feeling joyful, too. I think that must have been the God-centered heart inside of her. She wasn’t one to quote scripture, but you knew she had a relationship with the powerful One.
Richard was born to a woman whose mother must have been a true African woman, because Richard said she couldn’t understand anything the woman said, and that the woman scared her as a child. I wish I could remember all the stories Richard told us. If only I had had the presence of mind or the interest to write it all down or even record it. But, that history is loss.
Richard wasn’t a slave, but she descended from slaves and was raised in the same county where they were slaves. The environment must have been harsh for her and her family during that time. Her father was lynched when she was a young child, but not so young that she couldn’t remember the event. Later as a young teen, she married an older man and gave birth to thirteen children, eleven boys and two girls. All but two of them moved away as soon as they were old enough to leave. One by one she either lost touch with her children, or saw them less and less. By the time she passed away, she had outlived at least eight of those children. All the while, she held onto her joy, her hope, and her expectations. Her strength was a quiet strength that she passed on to her children and their children and their children and their children.
Who Do You Choose To Be?
Who are you? Who have you chosen to be? Do you know that you have a choice? When we look into the mirror everyday, we are looking at the sum total of our choices. Each choice we make adds to the other and to the other and to the other, essentially becoming the building blocks of the structure and the attitude that have become you.
Think of your choices as paths. If you make this choice, it will take you here. If you make another choice, it will take you there. Some may argue that you are the sum total of your parents, your environment, your societal exposure, or chance. True, these factors have an effect. However, each individual gets to choose how to react to these factors.
In the 1950′s, a man named Earl Nightingale hosted a radio show. On one of these shows, he made a commentary that was entitled The Strangest Secret. In this commentary, he talked about setting goals. Why is his commentary significant? It is because setting goals is a choice. One of his examples of why you should set a goal, or literally make the choice to determine where you want to go in life, was about a ship setting sail in the ocean. He said that ship will arrive at its destination over 99% of the time. Why? Because someone has chosen to go from point A to point B. They have mapped their destination of how to get there. They have chosen to stay on course until that destination is reached. Now, on the other hand, should that same ship set sail without choosing to go to point B, it could aimlessly drift about in the sea going nowhere.
With that in mind, where is your ship sailing? Where do you choose to be? Do you have a destination? You get to choose, and by choosing you determine who you are when you look into the mirror.