When We First Held Hands

2013-06-27_10-48-17_515-1It had been a long day and I had a slight headache. That week had been a little crazy work-wise, family-wise, and life-wise. As usual, my nights were sleep-deprived, so on this day I decided to take an Advil PM. I have no idea how long I had drifted off into a deep snooze when my daughter knocked on my bedroom door. Her water had broken. She had already called the doctor’s office and had been instructed to present at the hospital. Talking about being startled awake and talk about shaking the effect of a sleep-inducer in less than a second, we were on our way to the hospital.

As a mother, I tried to act calmer than I really was. My daughter needed my support and no stress, at least, no added stress. Who says giving childbirth is not a stressful event? We had already gone through the trial run of this impending moment during a childbirth orientation, so we knew the drill. We followed it to the letter. All we had to now was wait, at least, that was all I had to do as we sat in her private birthing room and I finally drifted off a little on the sofa.

It wasn’t until the next morning, that our little wild child decided to make his entrance into the world. Late that morning, I had watched in inexplicable awe as he entered into the world. As he was being cleaned and weighed, other nurses took care for my daughter. I reached for him during this process and he grabbed the little finger on my right hand. I was surprised by the grip. It was tight and he wasn’t letting go. When that little boy, only a few-minutes old did that, he took my heart and ran away with it faster than a lightning bolt can travel across the sky and strike. He struck me with even greater force.

I loved my babies even before they were born and I loved him, too, as soon as I knew he was coming. But, this was a love I had never ever experienced before. It was almost surprisingly physical and as this brand new love took hold I realized something. I am a grandma. It was then I knew why my grandparents always made me feel so special. Maybe it is the realization that another generation has succeeded us, or maybe because we get to experience our children from a different perspective, it’s an amazing feeling. It that envelops your entire being. Perhaps, the reason for that is we are not the ones stressing through childbirth, through the now worrying of upkeep, and the responsibility of parenting. I don’t know what it is or how to define it, but I do know this. When I meet or talk to other grandparents, there is that same level of awe in our eyes, in our hearts, and in our voices when we talk about our grandbabies. All I know for sure is when that little tiny hand grabbed hold of the first thing he’d ever held onto in his life, it was my little finger and I can still feel it.

Dilsa Saunders Bailey, aka "simplydilsa" is a writer and speaker sharing stories to help others embrace life living one story at a time. She is the author of a romantic, suspense series called "The Sperling Chronicles" and a self-help book called "A Comprehensive Guide to Finding the Right Doctor."

aka "simplydilsa"